MY CHINA, MY TIBET
Caught in the Middle, Called a Traitor
By Grace Wang
Sunday, April 20, 2008; Page B01
I study languages -- Italian, French and German. And this summer -- now that it looks as though I won't be able to go home to China -- I'll take up Arabic. My goal is to master 10 languages, in addition to Chinese and English, by the time I'm 30.
我学过意大利语，法语和德语。而在这个我似乎无法再回到中国的夏天，我计划把这段时间用来学习阿拉伯语。我的目标是：在我30岁的时候，除了汉语和英语，再掌握10门语言。
I want to do this because I believe that language is the bridge to understanding. Take China and Tibet. If more Chinese learned the Tibetan language, and if Tibetans learned more about China, I'm convinced that our two peoples would understand one another better and we could overcome the current crisis between us peacefully. I feel that even more strongly after what happened here at Duke University a little more than a week ago.
我如此(饥渴地学习外语)，因为我相信语言是通向理解的桥梁。拿中国和西藏来说吧。如果更多的中国人学习藏语，而更多的西藏人学习中国的更多事情，我相信，我们这两个民族能够更深地彼此理解；而现在我们之间的危机，我们也能够和平地克服。
Trying to mediate between Chinese and pro-Tibetan campus protesters, I was caught in the middle and vilified and threatened by the Chinese. After the protest, the intimidation continued online, and I began receiving threatening phone calls. Then it got worse -- my parents in China were also threatened and forced to go into hiding. And I became persona non grata in my native country.
当我试图在中国的和支持西藏的校园游行者之间调停的时候，站在中间立场的我被中国人抓住、诽谤和恐吓。游行结束之后，这种恐吓仍然在网络上继续着，而且我开始收到恐吓电话。然后事情变得更加糟糕：我在中国的父母也被威胁，不得不躲藏起来。我在自己的祖国成为了"不受欢迎的人"。
It has been a frightening and unsettling experience. But I'm determined to speak out, even in the face of threats and abuse. If I stay silent, then the same thing will happen to someone else someday.
这是一段令人恐惧不安的经历。不过我决定，即使冒着威胁和辱骂，也把它说出来。如果我保持沉默，也许同样的事情将来什么时候会发生在另外一个人身上。
So here's my story.
下面是我的故事。
When I first arrived at Duke last August, I was afraid I wouldn't like it. It's in the small town of Durham, N.C., and I'm from Qingdao, a city of 4.3 million. But I eventually adjusted, and now I really love it. It's a diverse environment, with people from all over the world. Over Christmas break, all the American students went home, but that's too expensive for students from China. Since the dorms and the dining halls were closed, I was housed off-campus with four Tibetan classmates for more than three weeks.
当去年八月我第一次来到杜克大学的时候，我曾担心我不会喜欢这里。杜兰姆，杜克所在的地方，只是北卡州的一个小城, 而我来自有430万人口的大城市青岛。但是最终我适应了，而且现在我深深地爱上了这里。这里的人们来自世界各地，构成了一个复杂的环境。圣诞假期时，所有的美国学生都回家了，但是对中国学生来说回家的旅费太贵了。因为宿舍和食堂都关门了，我在校外租房子住了三个多星期，和四个西藏同学一起。
I had never really met or talked to a Tibetan before, even though we're from the same country. Every day we cooked together, ate together, played chess and cards. And of course, we talked about our different experiences growing up on opposite sides of the People's Republic of China. It was eye-opening for me.
虽然我们来自同一个国家，可是在此之前，我从来没有亲眼见过一个西藏人，更别提和他们交谈了。在这段时间里，我们每天一起做饭，一起吃饭，一起玩牌和下棋。当然，我们也讨论我们在中国的两端长大所经历的不同的生活。这种交流开阔了我的眼界。
I'd long been interested in Tibet and had a romantic vision of the Land of Snows, but I'd never been there. Now I learned that the Tibetans have a different way of seeing the world. My classmates were Buddhist and had a strong faith, which inspired me to reflect on my own views about the meaning of life. I had been a materialist, as all Chinese are taught to be, but now I could see that there's something more, that there's a spiritual side to life.
我一直认为雪域高原是个浪漫的地方，很久以来都对西藏怀有好奇和向往，不过我从来没有去过那里。现在我了解了西藏人怀有一种和我们不同的世界观。我的西藏同学们是信仰坚定的佛教徒，他们的信仰启发了我去思考自己生命的意义。就像所有的中国人被教育而成为的一样，我曾经是一个唯物主义者。不过我现在看到了更多的东西，看到了生命还有灵性上的一面。
We talked a lot in those three weeks, and of course we spoke in Chinese. The Tibetan language isn't the language of instruction in the better secondary schools there and is in danger of disappearing. Tibetans must be educated in Mandarin Chinese to succeed in our extremely capitalistic culture. This made me sad, and made me want to learn their language as they had learned mine.
在三周里我们谈了很多，当然我们交谈时都是用的中文。在好一些的中学里藏文都不是教学的语言，藏语现在已经是一种濒危的语言，面临着灭绝的危险。西藏人必须接受汉语教育来在我们的极端资本主义化的文化中胜出。这让我感到很难过，让我产生了愿望去学习他们的语言，既然他们已经学习了我们的。
I was reminded of all this on the evening of April 9. As I left the cafeteria planning to head to the library to study, I saw people holding Tibetan and Chinese flags facing each other in the middle of the quad. I hadn't heard anything about a protest, so I was curious and went to have a look. I knew people in both groups, and I went back and forth between them, asking their views. It seemed silly to me that they were standing apart, not talking to each other. I know that this is often due to a language barrier, as many Chinese here are scientists and engineers and aren't confident of their English.
4月9日傍晚发生的事情让我想起了这些回忆。当我走在从餐厅去图书馆学习的路上时，我看到了广场上举着西藏旗和中国国旗的对峙的人们。在此之前我没有听说有关游行的任何事，所以我感到好奇，想去看个究竟。在两群人之中都有我认识的人，我在人群之间穿行，询问我的朋友们的看法。两群人站得泾渭分明，互相完全不交谈，我感觉这样很愚蠢。根据我的经验，这种局面经常是由语言障碍造成的，因为很多在这里的中国人是科研人员和工程师，他们都对自己的英语能力没有自信。
I thought I'd try to get the two groups together and initiate some dialogue, try to get everybody thinking from a broader perspective. That's what Lao Tzu, Sun Tzu and Confucius remind us to do. And I'd learned from my dad early on that disagreement is nothing to be afraid of. Unfortunately, there's a strong Chinese view nowadays that critical thinking and dissidence create problems, so everyone should just keep quiet and maintain harmony.
我认为我应该试图让两群人走到一起，开始一些交谈。让每个人能够用更宽的立场去思考问题——这也是老子、孙子和孔子教导我们的。我的父亲也曾经教育过我，观点分歧没有什么可怕的。不幸的是，现在的中国人里面有一种被广泛接受的看法：批判性思考和不同政见总是会造成问题，所以每个人应该保持沉默，营造和谐。
A lot has been made of the fact that I wrote the words "Free Tibet" on the back of the American organizer of the protest, who was someone I knew. But I did this at his request, and only after making him promise that he would talk to the Chinese group. I never dreamed how the Chinese would seize on this innocent action. The leaders of the two groups did at one point try to communicate, but the attempt wasn't very successful.
很多事情都是由我在支持西藏活动的组织者后背上书写标语"解放西藏"引出来的，那位组织者是一个我认识的美国人。事实上我这么做仅仅是出于他要求我这样做，并且以我帮他写了之后，他才会和中国游行者对话为交换条件的。我怎么也想不到中国人会如何抓住这件清白无辜的事情作为把柄。双方的组织者确实一度进行了沟通的尝试，但是并不是很成功。
The Chinese protesters thought that, being Chinese, I should be on their side. The participants on the Tibet side were mostly Americans, who really don't have a good understanding of how complex the situation is. Truthfully, both sides were being quite closed-minded and refusing to consider the other's perspective. I thought I could help try to turn a shouting match into an exchange of ideas. So I stood in the middle and urged both sides to come together in peace and mutual respect. I believe that they have a lot in common and many more similarities than differences.
中国游行者们认为，作为中国人，我应该站在他们的一边。支持西藏游行者们大部分是美国人，他们并不真正了解问题的复杂性。事实上，双方都是闭目塞听的，每一方都拒绝考虑另一方的立场。我觉得我能够帮助大家，试图把一场吼叫的比赛变成一场意见的交流。这就是为什么我要站到中间，力劝双方心平气和、相互尊重地走到一起。我相信大家有更多共通的地方。求大同，存小异。
But the Chinese protesters -- who were much more numerous, maybe 100 or more -- got increasingly emotional and vocal and wouldn't let the other side speak. They pushed the small Tibetan group of just a dozen or so up against the Duke Chapel doors, yelling "Liars, liars, liars!" This upset me. It was so aggressive, and all Chinese know the moral injunction: Junzi dongkou, bu dongshou (The wise person uses his tongue, not his fists).
然而中国游行者们——可能有100人或更多，远大于藏独游行者的数量——变得越来越意气用事、大喊大叫，不让另一方说话。他们步步紧逼，推挤得对方——只有一打人的藏独游行者群体——抵在了杜克大教堂的门上，高喊着"骗子，骗子，骗子！"这让我感到很难过。这太盛气凌人了，所有的中国人都该知道这句谚语的：君子动口，不动手。
I was scared. But I believed that I had to try to promote mutual understanding. I went back and forth between the two groups, mostly talking to the Chinese in our language. I kept urging everyone to calm down, but it only seemed to make them angrier. Some young men in the Chinese group -- those we call fen qing (angry youth) -- started yelling and cursing at me.
我感到很害怕。但是我相信我是在试图增进双方互相的理解。我在两群人之间来回穿梭，大部分时间都在和中国人用我们的语言交谈。我一直力劝每个人冷静下来，但是看上去只是令他们更愤怒了。一些中国年轻人——我们叫他们"愤青"——开始对着我叫骂。
What a lot of people don't know is that there were many on the Chinese side who supported me and were saying, "Let her talk." But they were drowned out by the loud minority who had really lost their cool.
很多人不知道，在中国人这一边，也有很多人支持我，说着："让她说话。"但是他们的声音被少部分丧失冷静者的叫喊声淹没了。
Some people on the Chinese side started to insult me for speaking English and told me to speak Chinese only. But the Americans didn't understand Chinese. It's strange to me that some Chinese seem to feel as though not speaking English is expressing a kind of national pride. But language is a tool, a way of thinking and communicating.
因为我说了些英语，中国这边的一些人指责我，叫我只说汉语。但是美国人不懂得汉语。一些中国人认为不说英语是在体现民族尊严，我认为这样想很奇怪。语言是一种工具，一种用来思考和交流的工具。
At the height of the protest, a group of Chinese men surrounded me, pointed at me and, referring to the young woman who led the 1989 student democracy protests in Tiananmen Square, said, "Remember Chai Ling? All Chinese want to burn her in oil, and you look like her." They said that I had mental problems and that I would go to hell. They asked me where I was from and what school I had attended. I told them. I had nothing to hide. But then it started to feel as though an angry mob was about to attack me. Finally, I left the protest with a police escort.
在游行的最高峰，一群中国人围住我，指着我, 说: "记得XX吗？所有的中国人都想用汽油烧死她，你看上去就正像她那样。" 他们还说我精神有问题，我应该下地狱。他们问我是从哪个地方来的，我是哪所学校毕业的。我告诉了他们。我没有什么好隐藏的。但是然后情形开始感觉起来就像一群愤怒的暴徒快要攻击我了似的。最后，我在警察的陪同下离开了游行。
Back in my dorm room, I logged onto the Duke Chinese Students and Scholars Association (DCSSA) Web site and listserv to see what people were saying. Qian Fangzhou, an officer of DCSSA, was gloating, "We really showed them our colors!"
回到我的宿舍，我登录了DCSSA（杜克华人学生学者联合会）的网站和邮件群，看看人们怎么说。Qian Fangzhou, DCSSA的一名干部，沾沾自喜地说："我们确实给了他们点颜色看看！"
I posted a letter in response, explaining that I don't support Tibetan independence, as some accused me of, but that I do support Tibetan freedom, as well as Chinese freedom. All people should be free and have their basic rights protected, just as the Chinese constitution says. I hoped that the letter would spark some substantive discussion. But people just criticized and ridiculed me more.
我贴了一封公开信，解释我没有支持西藏独立，就像一些人指责我的那样。但是我支持西藏的自由，就像中国的自由一样。所有的人都应该有自由，基本权利受到保护，就像中国政府宣称的一样。我希望这封信能够引发一些实实在在的讨论，但是人们只是更厉害地指责和奚落我而已。
The next morning, a storm was raging online. Photographs of me had been posted on the Internet with the words "Traitor to her country!" printed across my forehead. Then I saw something really alarming: Both my parents' citizen ID numbers had been posted. I was shocked, because this information could only have come from the Chinese police.
第二天早晨，一股风暴席卷了网络。我的照片被贴在了网上，我的额头上打印着"卖国贼！"的字样。然后我看到了令人惊恐的事情：我父母的身份证号都被贴了出来。我非常震惊，因为这些信息只能来自中国警方。
I saw detailed directions to my parents' home in China, accompanied by calls for people to go there and teach "this shameless dog" a lesson. It was then that I realized how serious this had become. My phone rang with callers making threats against my life. It was ironic: What I had tried so hard to prevent was precisely what had come to pass. And I was the target.
我看到了我父母在中国的家的详细地址，和号召人们去给"这个无耻的狗"一点教训的帖子。然后我意识到了事态的严重性。我收到很多电话恐吓我的人身安全。这很讽刺：我努力去阻止的东西，全部加诸我的身上了。
I talked to my mom the next morning, and she said that she and my dad were going into hiding because they were getting death threats, too. She told me that I shouldn't call them. Since then, short e-mail messages have been our only communication. The other day, I saw photos of our apartment online; a bucket of feces had been emptied on the doorstep. More recently I've heard that the windows have been smashed and obscene posters have been hung on the door. Also, I've been told that after convening an assembly to condemn me, my high school revoked my diploma and has reinforced patriotic education.
我第二天早晨和我母亲通了电话，她说她和我父亲要去躲藏起来，因为他们也受到了生命恐吓。她说我不该打电话给他们。从那时开始，简短的电子邮件成了我们唯一的联系方式。另一天，我在网上看到了我父母家的照片：门口倒扣着一桶粪尿。更加频繁地，我听说玻璃被打破和门被贴上猥亵标语的消息。并且我被告知，在集会讨论对我的制裁之后，我的高中撤回了我的毕业文凭，并且加强了爱国主义教育。
I understand why people are so emotional and angry; the events in Tibet have been tragic. But this crucifying of me is unacceptable. I believe that individual Chinese know this. It's when they fire each other up and act like a mob that things get so dangerous.
我理解人们如此情绪化和愤怒的缘由：在西藏发生的事情确实是悲剧性的。但是要把我钉死在十字架上，这是不可接受的。我相信独立思考的中国人明白这一点。因为那些人彼此煽风点火，表现得像暴徒一样，所以事情才变得这么糟糕。
Now, Duke is providing me with police protection, and the attacks in Chinese cyberspace continue. But contrary to my detractors' expectations, I haven't shriveled up and slunk away. Instead, I've responded by publicizing this shameful incident, both to protect my parents and to get people to reflect on their behavior. I'm no longer afraid, and I'm determined to exercise my right to free speech.
现在，杜克大学警方保护着我的人身安全，而中国网络上的打击还在继续。但是和那些诽谤我的人预期相反，我没有束手无策，偷偷逃跑。而我的回答，就是公开发表这件令人羞耻的事情，为了保护我的父母，也为了让人们能够反思自己的行为。我再也不害怕了，我决定检验我言论自由的权利。
Because language is the bridge to understanding.
因为语言是通向理解的桥梁。
Grace Wang is a freshman at Duke University. Scott Savitt, a visiting scholar in Duke's Chinese media studies program, assisted in writing this article.
后记：王千源是杜克大学的一年级学生。Scott Savitt,杜克中国媒体研究系的一位访问学者，协助了此文的写作。
英文全文来自《华盛顿邮报》，原始链接：
附录：王千源在文中提到，她于4月9日游行后发布在DCSSA邮件群的一封公开信《告同胞书》（其实大家都已经看到过了吧，放于此处，仅作存档，使信息完整。）
告同胞书
我亲爱的各位同胞：
今日的示威散步已然结束，然余波未平。我就是今天站在两方之中做调停之人，有些逆耳忠言在人前不便多言，如今汝愤气稍停，不得不向你尽述。
今者示威不可谓不雄壮，各位尽兴而归不可谓不快意。
然若只知拳脚相加，怒气相向，那是初学者的姿态，也无君子雅量。
岂不知"鹬蚌相争，渔翁得利"，恰中了后发制人者的圈套。曹植被逼而赋《七步诗》，至今忧思难忘：煮豆燃豆萁，豆在釜中泣。本是同根生，相煎何太急！西藏既乃我国之领土，岂可随意抛弃抑或给予他人！
然步步相逼，只会化友为敌，将原本平和的西藏各众逼上梁山，从而背水一战，造成不可收拾的严重冲突。试问西藏与中国和美国孰亲孰远？卧榻之上，岂容他人安睡？亲不记仇，才不致引虎归山，将我们的西藏向外推去，自给别人。我与西藏逾亲，则美与西藏逾远，否则彼必倒戈，则我方身旁插上美之飞地也。
孙子曰：穷寇莫追。亦言：损刚益柔。老子云：上善若水。战略上，攻心为上。天时不如地利，地利不如人和。成大事者，能忍人之不能忍，方为人所不能为。
为中华之崛起，此方为用人之时，我们要有容人之度，容人之量。
我不是让你消极等待，而是积极备战，消除怒气，头脑才会清晰，思维才能敏捷，决断才会正确，看清局势，方可从容应对。两个拳师相对，聪明的拳师往往后退一步，让对方露出破绽，然后一招知命。愚蠢的拳师一上来便大施拳脚，使出全部看家本领，反而会被对方摸出门路，为敌牵制。如今我们初来美国，立身未稳，如此头脑发热，意气用事，后果不堪设想。岂不闻"棍棒之下无孝子"，拳头威逼之下，别人的满口应承哪里能是真心？因而应该以德治国，以理服人，退避三舍而后发，卧薪尝胆而后能，而非图一时之快，争一朝之胜负。汉武帝的"有为而治"之初用了一招非常厉害的"无为而治"的"推恩令"，表面上遵从各藩属国的意愿，恩泽四方，实则将大国化为无数无法作为的小国，矛盾自解。我们应该努力让道义的天平倾向于自己，把舆论压力留给对手，让他们的拳头打在蜘蛛网上，让其像小丑一般自讨苦吃，何必苦苦相争，反而给自己造成无限烦恼？
知己知彼，百战不殆。我们对他们的观点不甚了解，其实又何尝完全洞悉己方观点？
由此可见，在知识领域，我们也没有占据战略上的制高点，并没有比对方高明多少，反而自揭伤疤，在人前落得个不好通融的形象，对树立良好的中国大国风范没有益处。自然，西方主流媒体的报道有失公允，但是反顾自己，难道我们的媒体就完全公正，不偏不倚？正因为不了解，所以才要主动沟通，掌握先机，方能克敌制胜。
此外，关于讲英语的事，我有一言相劝。语言是重要的沟通工具，技艺高超者，母语外语都能从容应对，主场客场都可打赢，其实依我看，国人不愿讲英语不是什么了不起的原则问题，不过是学业不精，不愿在人前露丑，却是此地无银三百两。
总之，宝剑锋从磨砺出，梅花香自苦寒来。我们修身，齐家，治国，平天下，靠的是大智大慧，岂可因噎废食，因小失大？
城门失火，殃及池鱼。西藏与我们唇齿相依，所以关系处理方面应比美国更小心谨慎才是，美国人是要把我们放在炭火上烘烤啊！切莫让其得了便宜还卖乖！杜克乃修身养性之地，愿诸位今后能够振长策而御宇内，执槁朴而震天下，治大国如烹小鲜，成为经世致用的奇才，而非为五斗米而折腰。
王千源
二零零八年四月十日写于凌晨
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